Tuesday, May 26, 2015
The Label of "Parent"
The purpose of my blog originally was to write about my journey as a SAHM, or a stay at home mom. I do that sometimes but I think lately I've been getting away from that and trying to stay "current". I'm not awesome at that.
I've been reading other bloggers lately and trying to find my groove. I'm not a shock-blogger, I don't have a lot to say that's edgy. A few things, but not enough to base a whole blog on. I'm not into any industry that is marketable really - unless you count parenting. I do know one or maybe three things about parenting my children.
Something invaluable that my parents taught me was that just because a thing is out there and costs money, has a label, and says it will sing your little one to sleep while making dinner, walking the dog, and giving you a foot rub - doesn't mean that is in any way true. The only thing that can do that is yourself or your partner. Unless you are a celebrity, then I suppose you could have a team of assistants. But for those of us less celebrity-fortunate, it's down to us.
New parents. Be easy on yourself. Trust yourself to do the right thing for your babies but know that
once in a while you will fail. Because you are human and are not perfect. If you try to live up on a pedestal with very little sleep juggling first a baby, then add house work, a job possibly, a to do list, going to the doctor (yours and the pediatrician), diaper rash, colic, groceries, dinner, the dog walks, play dates, mom's birthday - guess what? You are going to drop something or you're going to fall off the pedestal and land down here with the rest of us mere mortals. We will gladly offer a hand and pick up your spilled groceries and re bag them, offer to walk them into your counter, help you find an app to schedule your mom's birthday reminder, advise some diaper rash cream, get you a cup of tea and take your dog for a walk. Because we've been there. You are not alone. Every child is different, yes, but every child is still a child. And you are still a person who needs attention and a village.
Co-Parents of a more than one kid - please take time to yourself. Remember that you aren't being selfish by doing something for yourself, but you are being healthy. Your relationship MUST have time for you and your partner if you are going to survive the tiny terrors that are threatening your very existence yet affirming it at the same time. Such a constant battle - being so proud and so in love with your little ones yet - so desperately needing to get away. Don't forget the one you chose. Remember how you thought they'd be a good parent? Don't get mad when they don't live up to your expectations. They're juggling too. Talk to them and then LISTEN too. Don't think that just because you know what's going on that they'll know why you're mad. Your children will grow up and move on - you have to work harder to keep your partner. Do the work. Reap the rewards. Love them but more important, love yourself too. This is hard.
Single parents - you have one of the hardest jobs in the world. Being your kids' everything at some point. Having no one to really share the burden with. Feeling all of the responsibility and man that's a heavy load. Your children WILL remember how hard you worked for them. They will grow up and if they have kids of their own become awed by how much you did and marvel at how you did it all on no sleep, $7 in the checking account, and worry always nipping at your heels. Think back to when they were tiny and you had no sleep? You've got this. You can do it. Find people around you who can be your support, your rock, your friends and family. Other moms, dads, or grandparents. We are out here, and can lend a hand.
And all of us, if we practice patience, kindness and make a commitment to ourselves and our kids, it will be ok. They will grow up and think of us one more time as super heroes.
Because we are.