Being A Trend

It was bad enough in the late 80's/early 90's that everybody was all crazy about Asians (THANK YOU Tia Carrera!). Someone would become interested in me because of the way I looked, namely "Asian", and be very interested in the exotic young woman named Tracie. Then they would hear me speak - and THAT was decidedly NOT Asian.  And then inevitably, they began to see the real person. And, inevitably I became un-exotic.

Now, it's all the rage to be gray. I stopped dying my hair back in my late 20s early 30s because I really got tired of doing it. My hair grows at a rate that would make dandelions jealous. One day I would dye that white strip down the center of my head a nice shade of brown or black, and then five hours later I would have a new stripe of white - no kidding it's almost that fast.

So, eventually I just let it go. I cut all my hair off and let it grow out natural. Over the years I've had many many comments:

"That can't be your real hair!" It is.

"Oh my gosh, how did you get your hair so white?" (I might be tempted to say teenagers.)

"Who is your stylist, I can still can't seem to get that color of gray without damaging my hair." And I sigh and know if I tell them they can't they'll argue with me.

And then in whispers I hear, "that's not really her hair color, my stylist can get that exact same color out of a bottle." (No, you can't)


I want to tell people the only thing that turned my hair white was time and DNA. But they never really believe me. I think it's great that these young ladies want grey hair! I suppose it's a nod to us that had it before it was cool - they're trying to be like us. (At least that's what I'm telling myself).

However now I find them looking at me in sort of a "welcome to the club" kind of look and I want to look at them and go, "No b!tch, I had this first stop copying me!"

But I don't. I just smile back and I nod as if I'm grateful to be accepted into the Cool Kids Club. Even though when it's no longer cool, I'll just go back to looking like a really young grandma and they have no idea that I was one of the thousands of women that actually helped create it.

You're welcome yunguns!

Day One of - well the millionth Day One

It's not REALLY a day one. It's just today. But like many, I will soon be faced with a barrage of "...so what are your resolutions" questions.  To be clear:

I have NO resolutions.

• I will NOT resolve to lose X lbs. by X date.
• I will NOT resolve to have [crazywonderful] job by this time next year.
• I will NOT resolve to make better choices
• I will NOT resolve to go the gym 3 times a week.
• I will NOT resolve to be more patient with my relatives.
• I will NOT resolve to be more organized.

Why? Because there has been countless broken resolutions over the decades. If they were tangible, by January 15 there would be more garbage strewn about than on the ground in New York in Times Square on January 2.  No landfill would be able to accommodate the amount of forgotten good intentions, slyly dumped resolutions, and broken promises set out to the curb after life gets back in the way again.

So no, I will NOT be resolving to do anything for the rest of the year.

What I will do is each day get up and do my best. Each day will be Day One.  Each day will be a new day to try and get it right. Maybe put a new practice into motion. Maybe Day One of exercise. Maybe Day One of eating healthier. OR, maybe Day One of being good to myself and not stressing out about society's images.

I will wake each day and live my life, this I know will happen.  I know I'll keep striving to be a better person, this is what I do and have done always so I know this will continue.  I really believe that's all we can do.

But I won't be making any promises that I can't know if I'll be able to keep, least of all to myself.  I don't know if I can exercise every day. If I can't make a day I and I've "resolved" to, I'll feel guilty and like a failure.  I just will do my best.

Good or bad, promising or not - I will do each day like a Day One.

Maybe I'll make it to Day Two eventually, but I'm not making any promises.

Happy New Year!