Pre-Diabetic Weight Loss Foodie Frustration

Navigating the world of what to eat and what not to eat is extremely frustrating.  Any google search will most likely end up with you having cancer from any product that isn't air (and even then...) and searching on Amazon.com is like having the entire nutrition section of a real world book store dumped on you.

In today's world of dieting - labels are all the rage.  Whether it's Paleo, Atkins, gluten free, carb cycling, or keto - associating some famous person with that label makes it even more appealing it seems.  If that gorgeous, slim, healthy person eats this way then maybe we should too right? If [thisfood] is good for you and [Famous Celebrity] is eating it, then let's rush out to Trader Joes/Whole Foods/Specialty Store and buy it, right?

Except I'm pretty sure you and I AREN'T celebrities. Most people don't have countless hundreds to spend.  I also don't have a personal trainer that comes to my house or my posh gym and someone to cook and clean for me.  I also don't have a nutritionalist on hand to answer my questions. I have Google.  And Google gives me cancer, every time.

So what to do?  For me - I haven't found an exact answer yet. I'm muddling through the best way I know how, trial and error.  I was recently diagnosed as pre-diabetic. I can't lose weight, I feel like shit, and I feel like I look like shit. My skin, hair, everything. Yuck.  After quitting smoking and having a baby 3.5 and 2.5 years ago, respectively, the weight never came off.  I cycle. I try to eat healthy. Nada. Nothing. Zero. Zilch. I'm still holding steady at a whopping 170 lbs.  I refuse to become diabetic and if I can turn this shit-train around I'm going to.

There are days when I'm frustrated beyond belief.  As a mom of 3 kids, one with a pretty much full time job, one in Football, and a busy toddler, I don't know where I"m going to find time to meal plan everything that goes in our faces.  One meal for me, one meal for the family? Twice the meal planning? I already take 5 hours a week or so couponing.  Where am I going to carve out the additional time to plan every meal I eat? If you're like me, you go to the fridge and find a suitable snack or lunch and eat it.  Now I have to rethink that.  I can only stock things that are suitable.

I love food. I love buying it, making it, smelling it, tasting it. After being diagnosed and getting frustrated  with all of this information overload, I just want a shake or something that has everything I need in it and keep it moving. I'm tired of failing or being wrong or spending hours trying to learn and ending up with grilled chicken breast, steamed broccoli and brown rice.  Can you just give me a pill or a shake and I'll end my love affair with food and swear it off indefinitely?

UGH.

This isn't a very upbeat blog post and for that I apologize. I hope to share with you what I learn, if anything about preventing this disease from actually manifesting. If I can help even one person avoid Type II diabetes then I'll be happy.

So I will try, each time I post, to list one new thing I've found to help me navigate the not-so-easy world of weight-loss, low carb, low glycemic, low sugar, low fat, low calorie world.

Today's find: Norbu Sweetener. (or any Erythritol sweetener, but I like this brand)  

If you're like me you've already given up on the lovely legal crack that is refined sugar. I love the crunch, that little pop of sweetness, and the warm feeling of joy and light and sun and perfection that is white sugar. I stumbled on this at ShopRite and thought, well why not. I'm sick of the Pink Blue & Yellow war. And of course, if you Google them, they give you cancer. If you Google this - it does NOT give you cancer. Silliness aside, the benefits for us prediabetics and those with diabetes are pretty good.  According to the site and the science of it, this is mostly erythritol, an alcohol sugar. They add Monkfruit but I'm not thinking it's very much since pure monkfruit is super sweet and you have to use a tiny bit more of this than sugar for sweetening.

I'm not going to go into the science of it because frankly, I'm not sciency. Or Englishy apparently either. You can go Here (with actual sources) or Here or Here to learn about it but basically here are the Pros & Cons:

Pros:
Zero Calorie sweetener
Does NOT raise blood sugar
Easier on the gut than others
Doesn't contribute to the formation of cavities
LOOKS like sugar
Crunches like sugar
So far long term studies suggest NO carcinogen issues

Cons:
Expensive
You have to use more of it, it's only 70% as sweet as sugar
Can cause a tiny bit of stomach upset if you use excessive amounts (but so can sugar to a diabetic or prediabetic)



In my search for healthier and safer options, this seems to be a good one. I'll gladly pay the exorbitant price for it - heck I would go to Starbucks for basically melted ice cream with a pinch of coffee and dropped upwards of $5 a pop so why not take that money and put it towards sweetness for the week?

Please comment on anything you found to help you if you've found your way here about diabetes, weight loss, or just life in general.

Day two: torture upon torture

Well day two started off well, I had eggs for breakfast and coffee, and studiously avoided even looking at the bread selections in my pantry. Although I felt them looking at me forlornly as if I somehow, neglected them. By the time I got into my living room I felt very guilty and very hungry. Still, I persisted, and I did not eat the bread. Though I think it does think that I've neglected it now. Instead of me It has availed itself upon my husband who ate it hungrily.

And that's what I've taken to doing, making carbs seem like it is some living thing that has feeling that makes me feel guilty for not eating it! Oh what has my life come to?

In all reality, it was really really difficult yesterday not to eat carbs. I was hungry pretty much all day. For lunch, I had a really really good chicken breast with mango salsa, some edamame and a really nice glass of tea.

Dinner was harder though, we went out to eat and I forgot that I wasn't having carbs and ate chips. Ah well. I only had four before my daughter called me out on it. The steak was fabulous, and veggies were excellent, though the asparagus was a little undercooked a little too tough for my taste. When I got home I really want to eat something sweet as everybody else at the table had some kind of dessert, so I opted for some cantaloupe which wasn't as sweet as it could've been but not too bad.

So that was my day yesterday: Not terrible, but not awesome either. I did manage to do some yardwork yesterday to keep my mind off eating, and I think I decimated half a bag of carrots just to get my munchies fix in. Today I am starting off the day much better but that's tomorrow's post hopefully you'll be able to use some of my recipes in your no carb/low carb/no dairy diet.

 I will weigh myself every other day so no weight for today.

See you guys tomorrow! Just 12 more days to go!

Day 1 - No dairy or carbs OMG

Well, I made a decision that today I would start no carbs and no dairy. Basically, I'm not going to not eat something if it has dairy or carbs in it, say creamer for my coffee or a little bit of breading on that last half a bite of the chicken nugget that my child in need.

However I will not be making myself a bagel, I will not be eating ice cream, I will be avoiding cereal (waaaaaaaaa) I will not be eating all of the things that bring me much much happiness.

I'm doing this because I'm tired of being heavy, and everything I read says that carbs in Derry tend to keep weight on me. So this is going to be my 14 day trial. I'll update daily, sometimes more if I'm having a really rough day and we'll go from there.

So, for day one, I've already failed. I had two chicken nuggets both of which were breaded, I had milk in my coffee,and I had three pretzel sticks, 4 goldfish and a tiny, teeny weenie bite of a bagel.

I'm starving. Water is just not filling me up and I can't seem to WAKE up. Sluggish, slow, lethargic and HUNGRY.

I will get one day in at a time.

Today's weight: 168


Holy mackerel Batman this is going to be difficult.

Somewhere in the middle. A whinging post......

I'm right in the middle.

It's been this way for awhile I've noticed. I straddle the line politically, spiritually and now I sit here firmly in middle age gaining weight in the middle.

I'm also a middle child.

Now I understand the term "middling". I am the definition of that.

The trouble comes for me not in defining myself, but and I'm ashamed to say this, in appreciating myself physically.

I have been a "love the skin you're in" person most of my life. I am a firm believer that beauty comes from within no matter your shape, your size, or your weight.  I find that right now my own philosophy is challenging me.  I struggle EVERY DAY to look in the mirror and not be disgusted with what I see and I wonder, does this utter hatred come truly from me or all that we as women are subjected to?

Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with large people. I don't. I don't care what my friends look like, this is how I feel when I look in the mirror.  I know what I used to look like and my struggle to even get a step in that direction is like walking through set concrete, I haven't.

I have slowed/drastically reduced carbs = nothing.  I have eaten more protein and drank more water = nothing.  I have been working out (although I will say thaat i've been slacking for two weeks) and guess what? NOTHING  I haven't even lost a single portion of a pound.  I am firmly at the same weight I have been for months. MONTHS.  One hundred sixty five pounds.

For those of you keeping track, for a 5'3 person, this puts me less than a point under the obese scale and at the very top of overweight.  That's not the middle!
   

http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm

It's very hard for someone like me to hear everyone around them tell them they aren't overweight.  That I don't look a certain way. That I don't need to be so hard on myself. That I just had a baby! That it's hormones.  That it's [insert thing to make me feel better here].

*sigh* look. I get it. I know why those things are said. And yes, I appreciate that they are said. But it makes me feel even more confused about myself.

I look in the mirror and I see what I see. I don't like it.  I don't like how I'm shaped. I don't like how I fit in my clothes. I don't WANT new clothes, I want to wear the ones I already own. I don't like how I feel, I don't like how I feel when J-Man and I are snuggled up, I don't like anything about this body that I'm currently wearing. I feel too large, too out of shape, too uncomfortable.

I went on to NIH and pulled that scale up there and felt somewhat better and simultaneously worse. Better because I KNEW I was massively overweight and worse because, well, I'm massively overweight for me.

I have a trainer, I try to eat right and keep active.  I am also still breastfeeding some.  All of these things should have me in the thin but - no. I'm not even in the healthy.

So I have to wonder - what is it about me that makes me hate myself so much? Is it the fact that all of the ads out there look like teenage females?  Or that no clothes fit me? I'm in the middle remember - right at the tippy top of sizes for regular clothes, and not even IN the plus size. Regular clothes aren't cut for me and neither are plus size clothes? (another blog on clothing for us Middling Middlers coming).

Not only that but why do my friends and family keep telling me my feelings about myself are wrong when EVERY.SINGLE.ADVERTISEMENT is meant for women my daughter's size?  They don't make a world for women like me.

Think about these things, even the very words sound negative:

Mom jeans.
Mom Butt.
She's got a pretty face!
She just had a baby.
Moms wearing yoga pants.
Step.
Skinny Cow.
Support Bra.
Curvy.
Padded.
"something to hold on to/snuggle up with/grab on to" (<---because THATS what I want to be, some man's teddy bear/sex toy)
Phat
Dat Ass.

Are you hearing what I'm hearing? That rounded is good, but only so much. Have some padding but don't be fat.  Have a big butt, but be thin.

IS ANY OF THIS EVEN POSSIBLE AT 40????

UGH.  There is no real point to this except that either society or myself, possibly both, needs to adjust the view on what is attractive, because I certainly can't compete with anything out there right now.

As I just recently said to a dear friend, about 3 seconds ago, "When did my body become not ME anymore? I feel like I've been overtaken by something else and can do nothing about it".

*sigh*