Wednesday, May 29, 2013

SAHMing is like vacation

A vacation in HELL.

Ok, look, truly - I love being a stay at home parent.  I never ever EVER thought I'd actually utter those words, much less live them, but I do.  Both that is. Utter and live.  Anyway...

Whatchoo Talkin' bout Willis?
When J-Man and I decided the best option for our family was for me to stay at home and handle da bizness here, I thought, "hey, I can do that! I keep the house clean AND work now! It will be like a 2 year vacation".

I'm now officially in for one month and I have no meat in the freezer for dinner, 12 cans of green beans I got on sale with a coupon (and felt like a supermom doing so despite there being zero nutritional value), 3 gallons of milk (that I can't drink) and one single bagel. My living room looks like I run a daycare and I swear there is only one baby in this house. No one can find their laundry, I seem to have misplaced the cloth diapers and I think we have a dog missing.  Maybe?  Didn't we have two?

I'm not sure where I took a sharp right turn into "that lady" who is home all day and can't seem to keep her house clean. I know I've been in houses with SAHMs before who have sparkling counters, neatly piled laundry, vacuumed floors, AND they find time to put their feet up, have a coffee, and survey their kingdom of Martha Stewartness.

This new career didn't start out like this, though. The first week I had everything neatly planned out. Scheduled even. Grocery stores on Mondays - check. Laundry day on Wednesdays, check. Coffee date on Tuesdays with mom friends to avoid becoming SAHM in pjs forever with only Facebook to keep me connected - check.  Dr. Appts for new kiddo  in calendar with drive time and allowing for puke changes - check.  Dog walks each day to keep ass size in check - check, check and check.  Schedule time to sit down and review schedule - check.

That first couple weeks I was on it! J-Man, Diva, and the Boy would come home, the house would be clean, food cooking, and me smiling with clean baby and all was well. Then, it happened.  Baby girl decided to take a monkey wrench and firmly plant it right up my....well, calendar.

Like an accident on the beltway on a Monday in the rain at 4pm - my new "schedule" came to a screeching halt. I panicked. I tried to stay up that night and get it done.  Sans coffee because I'm breastfeeding.  Sans nap because I'm behind! Sans clothes because who has time to get dressed? Ok maybe scratch the dog walk today- we'll have the Diva do it.  Ok, so maybe laundry can wait because dinner is burning wait is the baby crying again? Oh look we DO have two dogs!


At some point in my failure to become June Cleaver I began just going with the flow.  Then magically - I found my Fu. Baby Girl was finally asleep, the other two were at school, the dogs were sleeping and all was quiet.  The house was an utter disaster, laundry needed folding, baby toys everywhere, but - it was peaceful.  I was watching HGTV and was absentmindly scratching off the dried puke on my nursing/pregnancy top and J-mans pj pants that I had on.  I was sitting in the glider enjoying my 1 of 2 cups of allowed caffeinated beverage daily. My feet were up. I noticed a smell, recognized it as milk vomit, realized what I was picking at and chuckled thinking, "I should hug Diva when she gets in...heh heh heh", which I promptly posted on FaceBook.

I also realized that in every aspect of my life right now I'm happy. I can't be that lady that lives a perfect life because I enjoy our life as it IS. Our house was clean before because no one was IN it. The dogs were always in my face because they never saw me.  My kids were...well wait, they were the same so no change there.

The biggest change for me honestly has been realizing what truly makes me happy.  It used to be recognition, bonuses, raises, and title. Now it's harmony, love, respect and showering 5 days in a row.

And you know what? I LOVE it.  Stand back people, I've found my Fu.

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