How to keep that mold out of kids bath ducks, frogs, monkeys, etc.

Rubber ducky, you're the one!  You make bath time lots of fun!  Except when you get the inevitable gross, and unhealthy, mold inside the duck. Or frog. Or alligator. Or whatever rubber/plastic bath toy you have to squeeze water out of after each bath.  (If you haven't seen it, don't google it)

There is a really simple, REALLY simple solution that doesn't involve any kind of bleach or chemical or scrubbing. Well - besides not using the toys that is.

Cut a hole in the bottom.

Here are the super easy, super simple, and-it-still-floats, directions.

(1) Assemble your tools, which include scissors, a razor (or sharp pointy
cutting tool of any sort), paper towel, and your duckigatofrog of choice.

(2) Start an opening with razor.  Then cut a half circle with
with scissors. Usually there's a ring to follow as a guide.

(3) Bend back the flap a bit, pour out any water inside. 

(4) Make Rubber duckigatofrog do an endo. If needed use a
towel and wipe out any water droplets & let air dry.

See! They still float!  Thank you Fairy and Princess ducks!

(I told you not to google it. Now you're grossed out.  Click here to make your brain forget that image)

Mom Stuff on the Couch - Parenting styles and pretty girls.

Do you think telling your daughter she's pretty all the time is bad? Or not a big deal?  Do you have a parenting style? Do you consider yourself a natural parent? A gentle parent? Or just a parent?  Drop a comment after the vlog and let me know!

I have no problem being silly with my kids...

Vine - CLICK HERE...for some awesomeness...

Be silly.  

I tell my children when they've done a piss poor job - and I'm a good parent for it.

Today my daughter, 6 mos old, managed to hold a baby spoon and get a bit of avocado in her mouth. I reacted with praise and excitement, "good job!" I shrieked clapping and smiling. She beamed back at me with a face full of slimy green goodness.

It reminded me though of a post I read in a "gentle parenting" group I was invited to. I didn't stay long for a few reasons, namely I don't need to label myself nor do I subscribe to any one way of parenting. I've had three of my own children and assisted in rearing two others, and am STILL looking for answers and feeling around blindly in the dark when it comes to parenting.  I am by no means an expert, though I do have some experience. Those are not the same things.

The post in the Gentle Parenting group was discussing using the phrase "good job"and how when you use it you infer that they can sometimes do a "bad job" and how they didn't want to damage the self esteem of the child. It made and argument that you are saying "you pleased me, and that's good, that's what you should be doing" rather than (and yes, this is a real quote from the article in the post) 

"More than it celebrates, blanket praise imparts judgment and increases a child’s reliance on external validation."  

My eye rolls began. I muttered something to myself along the lines of "oh for the love of..." and then called a girlfriend of mine just to make sure I wasn't being a complete asshole.  She is much more level headed than most other people (unless you count commenting on threads about how breastfeeding is gross, then her inner fire-breathing-dragon comes out) and certainly more forgiving than I am.  I told her about this post and her exact comment was (and yes, this is the real quote) "Oh for the love of..."

I somehow managed to contradict myself in the eyes of new parents everywhere fifteen years ago when I said that babies under 6 months can't be spoiled, get them when they cry and ALSO that no child ever died from crying - sometimes you have to do things and can't grab them AT THAT EXACT MOMENT.  Also, I bedshared with my son until he was about 3, but I also had a crib for him.  I don't agree with hitting a child but I won't hesitate to get their attention however I have to if they are putting themselves in harms way by doing EXACTLY the opposite of what I've asked, (i.e., running into a parking lot, standing on the edge of something high, grabbing scissors/knives/sharp things, playing with fire)  all of which my now 15 year old did.  I baby wear, I breastfeed, and I make my own babyfood when convenient, and I co-sleep.

To those looking in at these items alone, they would label me an "attachment parent".  They would be wrong to do so, but I've learned in my 40 years that people need to label, categorize, and file things away neatly.

Honestly I have issue with blindly praising everything a child does as wonderful awesome and amazing.  At some point, they have to learn they are NOT the best at everything, or else what will be left for them to strive for if they've already reached perfection at 5?

But back to the reason I'm posting this.  Saying "Good Job" and imparting judgment.  I have no issue with imparting judgment.  As a matter of fact, I impart judgment with most every single thing I do with regard to reacting to my children's doings.

And this is why - once a child leaves your home and goes out there, into the world - they will NOT do a perfect job every time. They will also sometimes to a crap job because they didn't try. ALL children.  EVERY child has the propensity to be lazy, to cut corners, to figure out a better way of doing something or an easier way. This isn't a bad thing - this is how we ended up with smart phones and fax machines and ear buds.  However - what boss has ever said, "thank you! this is excellent, whatever-it-is, awesome to have you on our team"?

Teachers will grade them with F's.  Enemies in school will call them losers, love interests will say no thanks pal, and bosses and potential bosses will tell them they failed. This happens in life.

If my teen goes to school and does a mediocre job and gets a C I will tell her she did a bad job and I'm not proud of her at that moment.  And I have done this. She is still an honor student and is still motivated to get good grades, go to college and do well. Her person and soul are not crushed because I said "Good Job".

If my 10 year old does a science project last minute, throws it together and gets a D - I say he earned that D because it was poor planning and not a good job.

This is the reality of the world. What's going to happen when all these kids grow up thinking they can do nothing wrong? How difficult is the world going to be when they realize that people judge you?  Harshly even?

I don't want to be there when they look back and say, "you didn't' prepare me for this world mom and dad, GOOD JOB".

Quick tip for young babies:

Target ball + Mam paci!

Oh...You Again (again, repost from WorkingMomFu)

Had a "date night" in tonight, and it was pretty cool. I made dinner, Okoi (yum yum) and we watched "You Again" starring Kristen Bell, Jamie Lee Curtis, Sigourney Weaver and Betty White!  There were other cast members, notably Odette Yustman who plays Kristen Bell's characters arch-nemesis.  She did a great job at playing the role of that evil, vile, mean - yet gorgeous, popular and beautiful girl we all knew in high school.  Not to ruin the movie - but she did redeem herself at the end of the flick.  In the movie, Kristen Bell's character's name is Marnie.  Marnie's brother is marrying this arch nemesis Joanna or "JJ" as she was called in school. JJ's Aunt Ramona, played by Sigourney Weaver, is Marnie's mothers' ex friend. Marnie's mom is played by Jamie Lee Curtis. Betty White is the grandma.  Of course, she steals the show.

The movie plays out with the with the four women working through their pasts and has the requisite amount of problems, issues and hilarity.  Even though it is decidedly a chick flick. The men in the movie do a good job of being props - the movie is TRULY about women and the situations we find ourselves in - but of course way more extreme than real life.

Over the past few years, thanks largely to MySpace, FaceBook and Classmates.com people from all over have found themselves (sometimes unwillingly) reconnected with people from high school.  I don't know about you, but that time for me was about 80% bad, 10% good, and 10% forgotten. In my opinion, I was more like a Marnie but I WAS on the JV cheerleading team. My situation wasn't extreme but I did have my share of bullies, girl and boy.

It's odd, but I have found one similarity, those that tortured you RARELY remember doing so. Mostly anyway.  I guess obviously it's because they were not nearly as affected by it, branded by it if you will, as you were.  I mean, it probably didn't hurt, embarrass or scar them - but it did you.  And probably left a huge memory burned into your brain.

Now granted, most of us lived somewhere happily in the middle, not too picked on and not too exalted.  Most of us floated in that teen haze of self absorption and shallowness, bad music and poor choices, awful hairstyles and even worse clothing options. I was an 80's child. I was an ASIAN 80's child. I was an ASIAN living in the South 80's child.  Have you ever seen pink and teal makeup on an Asian? Think Mimi from Drew Carey but with slanty eyes. Oh, and younger and way thinner.  And tan. OK so nothing like Mimi from that show but you get where I was going!  Yea, I tried so hard to fit in.  I wasn't just awkward and in high school, I was DIFFERENT and awkward and in High School.

For me it wasn't necessarily a death sentence. I had friends (HEY MARINA!!!), frienemies, and those people I both loathed and envied all at the same time.  It started before high school really. In middle school, one girl ripped open my Michael Jackson styled snap up shirt I suppose hoping to embarrass me. HA! I had a tshirt on! Still embarrassed me though.  Same girl liked to pick on me and snicker and giggle and exclude me.  A couple years later, she said I looked like I was having seizures as I tried out for cheerleading in 8th grade.

She was best friends with a girl I wanted to hate soooo much. That girl was perfect. She was Miss All-American, gorgeous, great grades, smiled at everyone, the teachers loved her.  Her mother was also all of that just in grown up form.  They went everywhere together, that mean girl and Ms. All American.   Straight through high school. They were loved by all.  Over time, I did manage to hang out with the Mean Girl once or twice, though I found out that Mean Girl was only doing it to get to the boy I liked at the time.  Ah....lessons.

Ms. All-American never did anything to me to make me hate her. I was just so jealous of her. I hated on her long before that phrase became a catch phrase.  She had everything I ever wanted (or so I thought).  To my knowlege, she never said a bad word to or about me. While her best friend at the time was, however, quite mean to me, she herself never EVER said anything or did anything mean to me.

Seems somehow I turned into the mean one around Ms. All American.  It's funny though - I did reunite with my ex Mean Girl - and she didn't seem to remember all those times she put me down in front of others, tried to humiliate me or some other form of emotional terror.  Not one thing.  She was friendly, funny, and dang it all, I liked her.

*sigh* I'm not those characters in the movie. I'm neither clever enough nor do I have a script writer to make sure everything works out in the end.  I didn't bring any of it up. I didn't remind her or ask for her apology.  I did take a look around using what I've learned in my 37 years of life to realize that well, it doesn't really matter. Sure, back then I thought she made me hate everything that was about me.  But since then, I've realized that I do like me.  Had it not been for me getting knocked down - I couldn't have ever stood up for myself.  Something I've learned to do. Do I thank HER for it? No - not really. She was just a small part of that, my first stepping stone.

But tonight, sitting with the love of my life on a couch with my two adorable pooches in my warm house under my beautiful and smart and healthy daughters blanket, fiddling with my snuggly little smart healthy son's toy car I realized that no matter what happened to me back then, or what happens to me in the future, THIS is good. THIS is happiness. THIS is enough - and life is good.  I also realized that while I may not be the VP of a PR office in New York (Marnie) or tall, thin, beautiful and popular (Joanna), or the owner of the most successful hotels in the world (Aunt Ramona) I am a lot like Marnie's mom.  I have a lot to be thankful for.

I also have an apology to the one I called Ms. All American. I don't know where she is these days - but to Crystal Williams from Leland, NC - I want to apologize for ever being mean to you. If I did or said anything that hurt your feelings EVER, I do truly apologize. I never meant to be the Mean Girl.  Hopefully, if we ever run into each other you won't say, "You Again".

SAHMing is like vacation

A vacation in HELL.

Ok, look, truly - I love being a stay at home parent.  I never ever EVER thought I'd actually utter those words, much less live them, but I do.  Both that is. Utter and live.  Anyway...

Whatchoo Talkin' bout Willis?

When J-Man and I decided the best option for our family was for me to stay at home and handle da bizness here, I thought, "hey, I can do that! I keep the house clean AND work now! It will be like a 2 year vacation".

I'm now officially in for one month and I have no meat in the freezer for dinner, 12 cans of green beans I got on sale with a coupon (and felt like a supermom doing so despite there being zero nutritional value), 3 gallons of milk (that I can't drink) and one single bagel. My living room looks like I run a daycare and I swear there is only one baby in this house. No one can find their laundry, I seem to have misplaced the cloth diapers and I think we have a dog missing.  Maybe?  Didn't we have two?

I'm not sure where I took a sharp right turn into "that lady" who is home all day and can't seem to keep her house clean. I know I've been in houses with SAHMs before who have sparkling counters, neatly piled laundry, vacuumed floors, AND they find time to put their feet up, have a coffee, and survey their kingdom of Martha Stewartness.

This new career didn't start out like this, though. The first week I had everything neatly planned out. Scheduled even. Grocery stores on Mondays - check. Laundry day on Wednesdays, check. Coffee date on Tuesdays with mom friends to avoid becoming SAHM in pjs forever with only Facebook to keep me connected - check.  Dr. Appts for new kiddo  in calendar with drive time and allowing for puke changes - check.  Dog walks each day to keep ass size in check - check, check and check.  Schedule time to sit down and review schedule - check.

That first couple weeks I was on it! J-Man, Diva, and the Boy would come home, the house would be clean, food cooking, and me smiling with clean baby and all was well. Then, it happened.  Baby girl decided to take a monkey wrench and firmly plant it right up my....well, calendar.

Like an accident on the beltway on a Monday in the rain at 4pm - my new "schedule" came to a screeching halt. I panicked. I tried to stay up that night and get it done.  Sans coffee because I'm breastfeeding.  Sans nap because I'm behind! Sans clothes because who has time to get dressed? Ok maybe scratch the dog walk today- we'll have the Diva do it.  Ok, so maybe laundry can wait because dinner is burning wait is the baby crying again? Oh look we DO have two dogs!

*sigh*

At some point in my failure to become June Cleaver I began just going with the flow.  Then magically - I found my Fu. Baby Girl was finally asleep, the other two were at school, the dogs were sleeping and all was quiet.  The house was an utter disaster, laundry needed folding, baby toys everywhere, but - it was peaceful.  I was watching HGTV and was absentmindly scratching off the dried puke on my nursing/pregnancy top and J-mans pj pants that I had on.  I was sitting in the glider enjoying my 1 of 2 cups of allowed caffeinated beverage daily. My feet were up. I noticed a smell, recognized it as milk vomit, realized what I was picking at and chuckled thinking, "I should hug Diva when she gets in...heh heh heh", which I promptly posted on FaceBook.

I also realized that in every aspect of my life right now I'm happy. I can't be that lady that lives a perfect life because I enjoy our life as it IS. Our house was clean before because no one was IN it. The dogs were always in my face because they never saw me.  My kids were...well wait, they were the same so no change there.

The biggest change for me honestly has been realizing what truly makes me happy.  It used to be recognition, bonuses, raises, and title. Now it's harmony, love, respect and showering 5 days in a row.

And you know what? I LOVE it.  Stand back people, I've found my Fu.